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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25157626">Summer Solstice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceciliasheplin/pseuds/ceciliasheplin'>ceciliasheplin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>80's Music, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo can dance, Cancer, Casual Sex, Drinking to Cope, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Financial Issues, Fluff, Happy Ending, He also fucks, Healing, Heavy Angst, Instant Attraction, Leukemia, Light wound, Mention of Chemotherapy, Mention of Family Drama, Mentions of Cancer, No Pregnancy, Porn with Feelings, Prescription Pills, Protected Sex, Road Trips, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Positive, Side Effects of Chemo, Smut, Squirting, Swearing, The Author Regrets Nothing, background stormpilot, cottage by the sea, fight, just the one, there is a fart joke, they horny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:20:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,933</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25157626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceciliasheplin/pseuds/ceciliasheplin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic was inspired by this prompt by <a href="https://twitter.com/galacticidiots/status/1274264223149850629">@galacticidiots</a>:</p><p>They meet at a dive bar. She’s on the road; he’s going nowhere. They leave together. </p><p>It’s days spent laughing under the sun and nights spent loving under the moon.</p><p>At the end of the journey she tells him she’s got months left to live. She couldn’t find a donor. </p><p>He’s a match.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>206</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>272</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Galactic Idiots Collection</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic is my love letter to summer, 80’s songs and Reylo.</p><p>Also, this fic is going to go pretty much like the prompt says. Nothing is too graphic but please be kind to yourself and read the tags first. And if there’s anything I missed, feel free to tell me. But a happy ending is guaranteed. Rey is going to kick cancer in the butt!</p><p>Thank you to <a href="https://twitter.com/reylomoodies">@reylomoodies</a> for the gorgeous moodboard!</p><p>Here is the full <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4W8v7fq23u1e0WWtKjghB2">soundtrack</a> if you're interested</p><p>Songs featured in this chapter:</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4">Dreams by Fleetwood Mac</a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0">Walk Of Life by Dire Straits</a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20">Don't Dream It's Over by  Crowded House</a>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>***</p><p>Ben hears the beginning of a familiar song play.</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em>Now here you go again </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> You say you want your freedom </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> Well, who am I to keep you down</em> </a>
</p><p>He loves that song. He turns on the bar stool to look behind him to the jukebox, expecting to see some old fart like him, because who else likes Fleetwood Mac these days...</p><p>However, there’s a woman, her back to him. He sees worn out boots, denim shorts and a white tank top. She’s lithe, with brown, short hair.</p><p>She turns around and begins to sway to the slow beat with eyes closed, a light smile on her face.</p><p>There are <em> freckles </em>.</p><p>He can’t stop staring. His beer is sweating in his hand, becoming hot with the stifling air of the bar.</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> Dreams of loneliness </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> Like a heartbeat drives you mad </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> In the stillness of remembering what you had </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> And what you lost </em> </a>
</p><p>She’s singing along now and opens her eyes. Ben is caught off guard and thinks he should look away but the loveliest hazel eyes he’s ever seen lock with his. She grins at him and blinks slowly, still moving her body to the music.</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> Thunder only happens when it's rainin' </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> Players only love you when they're playin' </em> </a>
</p><p>She sings. And he finally turns back around to face the counter.</p><p>He sips his beer, thinking that this was not what he was expecting to see on a roadside dive bar on a Thursday night, in the middle of nowhere.</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em>When the rain washes you clean, you'll know </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> You'll know </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> You will know </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3ywicffOj4"> <em> Oh, you'll know</em> </a>
</p><p>The song finishes with its last chords and the next one begins to play. On the corner of his eye, he sees someone sitting on the bar next to him.</p><p>“Beer, please.” A low, feminine voice asks the bartender and Ben does what he can not to look. </p><p>“You like Fleetwood Mac?” She asks after a beat.</p><p>He risks a glance and sees those hazel eyes up close. They are soft and friendly, so is her smile. He gulps.</p><p>“Y-yeah, I do.”</p><p>“Hi, I’m Rey.” She lets out her hand to him.</p><p>“Ben.” He shakes it. Her hands are rough.</p><p>She grabs her beer and gulps it. “Hey, can I get a bowl of chips too?” She asks the bartender and he simply opens a bag of chips, pours it on a bowl and hands it to her.</p><p>She eats them with satisfaction, humming happily with every bite.</p><p>She chuckles, shaking the bowl in his direction.</p><p>He takes one.</p><p>“I love the lyrics,” she says, between a sip and a bite. “Don’t let the beat fool you, it’s full of heartbreak that one.”</p><p>“They were breaking up.” Ben adds.</p><p>“It takes heartbreak, doesn’t it? To write a good song?”</p><p>“I suppose it does…” Ben says, staring at each freckle.</p><p>She takes another sip. “So, tell me, Ben, what brings you here tonight?”</p><p>“I, uh, I'm taking a break. From work.”</p><p>From life.</p><p>“Oh, cool! Me too! Road trip?”</p><p>“Ah, no. Not exactly.” He answers. “You?”</p><p>“I am, at the end of one, actually,” she says, taking another sip at her beer. “I’ve just been to Takodana, Endor and D’Qar. I’m headed to Scarif, I’ve always wanted to go there. Enjoy the beaches since it’s summer. Well, tonight it is.”</p><p>He remembers hearing something about a monument site and that people were gathering there to watch whatever there was to watch on the summer solstice, like they do every year. </p><p>He’s hypnotized by her smile. She munches some more chips.</p><p>“I want to see the ocean again, and have ice cream and oh have you ever had one of those lobster rolls? I hear they are amazing!” She asks excitedly.</p><p>“Yeah, they’re great.” He says, smiling too for the first time since…</p><p>“Where are you headed, Ben?”</p><p>“Uh, I still don’t know.”</p><p>“That’s cool. Are you a ‘making up as you go along’ type of guy?”</p><p>“I… I just got in my car and drove, but I don’t usually do this,” he says. The hateful words Ben last said to his father ring in his ears. There are maybe thousands of unanswered phone calls on his phone from his boss, Snoke. In the end Ben left his life behind too, just like his father. “I just had to get away.”</p><p>“Oh, I know the feeling… you did what you had to do.” She says.</p><p>“Yeah,” Ben says, unwilling to elaborate, but still wanting to hear the sound of her voice. “Are you far from home?”</p><p>She nods. “Jakku,” and makes a funny face. “You?”</p><p>“Chandrila. But I live in Coruscant now.”</p><p>“Ooo, big cities.” She says. “What do you do, Ben?”</p><p>“I’m a lawyer.”</p><p>She doesn’t grimace, points for Ben, but he knows it’s only a matter of time before she gets bored and calls it a night. Then again, it’s not like she has many options here at the nearly empty bar.</p><p>“Stressful?” She asks.</p><p>“That too…” He trails off.</p><p>She smiles, maybe waiting for him to choose if he wants to keep talking or not.</p><p>Ben sighs and faces her. “I’m pretty much one of those heartless lawyers who works for those big, evil companies who exploit people. Well, was...” Ben says. “I just left without warning. I’m probably fired now.”</p><p>“Wow. Drastic.” She says evenly.</p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>“But, hey, that means you’re free, right?”</p><p>“I guess it does,” Ben laughs awkwardly, wondering why she hasn’t run away from him screaming. “It was… liberating, but I don’t feel any better. Not yet at least.”</p><p>Ben hopes he will, but he knows his job was never the problem. His entire existence is the problem.</p><p>“What about you?” He quickly asks.</p><p>“I’m in between jobs at the moment.” She says. “My last one was as a mechanic. It wasn’t great but it paid enough to cover the dorm and food expenses.”</p><p>“Oh, so you’re in college?”</p><p>“Was. I dropped out.” For the first time he sees a twinge of sadness pass on her face. It’s fleeting, but he doesn't miss it.</p><p>“Oh, sorry...” Ben’s cheeks flush. He kicks himself again for his lack of tact, but she doesn’t seem upset.</p><p>“It’s fine. It wasn’t for me.” She says, shrugging and shaking her head. “And that means I’m free too.”</p><p>He can’t take his eyes off of her. He keeps studying her face, from her cute nose to her pink, full lips, from her freckles to her long lashes. Her easy smile ever present makes his heart flutter.</p><p>At the sound of synthesizers, she perks up and gasps.</p><p>“I love this song…”</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> Here comes Johnny singing oldies, goldies </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> Be-Bop-A-Lula, Baby What I Say </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> Here comes Johnny singing I Gotta Woman </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> Down in the tunnels, trying to make it pay </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> He got the action, he got the motion </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> Oh yeah, the boy can play </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> Dedication devotion </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> Turning all the night time into the day </em> </a>
</p><p>Her shoulders lightly shimmy to the beat. She gets up and offers a hand to him.</p><p>Ben never dances. It’s not that he doesn’t know how, he does actually. But his parents taught him how to dance and he always makes sure to avoid doing anything that his parents ever taught him.</p><p>But he gladly takes her hand and follows. Rey is already hopping in front of him, pulling his hand to the dance floor.</p><p>There, he takes her other hand and spins her around. She squeals and laughs as they jive to the upbeat tempo.</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> He do the song about the sweet lovin' woman </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> He do the song about the knife </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qTHn_sxrN0"> <em> And he do the walk, he do the walk of life </em> </a>
</p><p>They twirl together and she can’t stop smiling and laughing, neither can he.</p><p>He holds her hands whilst she rotates on the balls of her feet. As the music continues, he opens their arms and grabs her by the waist, his right hand holding hers in the air as he takes her around the dance floor, never losing the beat.</p><p>They part again for another spin and she lands back on his chest as the song ends, laughing. Another one begins.</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em>There is freedom within, there is freedom without </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> But you'll never see the end of the road </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> While you're traveling with me </em> </a>
</p><p>She lifts an eyebrow suggestively, looping her arms around his neck. It reminds him of an awkward prom dance, where neither of the dancers knew where to put their hands or where to look. Except this time, it's not awkward at all. Hers firmly grip his neck and one of his holds her waist while the other brushes the exposed skin of her upper back. She smiles lightly and tightens the embrace. Hazel eyes are locked with his once more.</p><p>They move slowly to the music.</p><p>“It’s so tacky. It’s so good.” She says and sings the chorus.</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> Hey now, hey now </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> Don't dream it's over </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> Hey now, hey now </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> When the world comes in </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> They come, they come </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> To build a wall between us </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9gKyRmic20"> <em> We know they won't win </em> </a>
</p><p>He really likes the sound of her voice.</p><p>He breaks the embrace and makes her do yet another swirl, resulting in a giggle from her. She lands in his arms, her back to his chest. She leans into him fully, letting their bodies fit as they step from side to side lazily. Her hair smells of lavender.</p><p>As they continue to sway, she feels warm and soft against his body. He hears her hum the song.</p><p>Rey spins in his arms and faces him.</p><p>She licks her lips and stares at his. Her eyelashes flutter. </p><p>She tugs on his shirt, gently pulling him down.</p><p>He leans in and his lips land on hers. Her mouth is even softer than her skin. She tightens her grip around his neck and the kiss fills all his senses with her. She slides her lips on his, sideways first and then she captures his bottom lip. She parts the kiss a little and smiles at him.</p><p>She eagerly comes in for more and he gives it to her. She tastes so good, so fresh, and oh so sweet. It’s intoxicating, he can’t get enough. Her tongue licks his lips lightly and he opens up. They kiss with open mouths, holding each other close. His heart is beating so fast. No one has ever kissed him with this much hunger before.</p><p>The song continues playing in the background, barely recognizable to him now that his whole body seems to be focused on her and her alone.</p><p>“Hey,” she says after pulling away, “Do you want to come to my room?”</p><p>That seems a little reckless to him, coming from a woman who had just met him. For all she knows he could be a serial killer. Ben knows he’s not one but she doesn’t. He amuses himself wondering briefly if <em> she’s </em> the serial killer and he’s the one who’s not going to end the night in one piece.</p><p>He can't think of anything he wants more than being with her.</p><p>“Are you sure, Rey?” He asks her.</p><p>“Oh, yeah,” she says casually. “I haven’t had a good fuck in ages and you… well, let’s just say I like the way you dance…”</p><p>***</p><p>Rey is naked on top of him, riding his cock with impressive enthusiasm. Ben holds onto her hips, almost overwhelmed by this gorgeous woman using his body to chase her pleasure.</p><p>She moans freely and curls her hips onto his cock, bringing him higher, pressing her hands onto his chest.</p><p>He is doing his best not to come before she does, but it’s getting increasingly difficult seeing her beautiful face washed with pleasure, her pert tits bouncing with the strength of her movements, her narrow waist making waves on top of him and her sweet pussy swallowing his cock over and over again.</p><p>“Fuck... Ben!” She cries.</p><p>He seriously cannot believe it. He’s hardly even doing anything.</p><p>She rides him harder than ever, looking down at him. Her moans become louder until she cries out and tilts her head, howling her orgasm to the heavens. He can <em> feel </em> her clenching around his cock as she gives a few more tight thrusts.</p><p>Her face is even more beautiful when she comes, he’s so glad he’s been able to hold back his own orgasm just so he got to see it.</p><p>But no longer. It only takes a few more thrusts up and he comes hard inside the condom. His vision whites out and he makes sounds he never thought he could make.</p><p>She hums and looks down at him, content and satisfied.</p><p>“Good?” She asks, breathlessly.</p><p>“Good…” He answers, but it feels like a gross understatement.</p><p>She gets off of him and lies down on the bed while he gets rid of the condom.</p><p>She traces her fingers on his chest, humming the same song he saw her dancing to earlier in the evening.</p><p>The best sex of his life, hands down.</p><p>“Do you want me to go?” He asks her.</p><p>She stretches and yawns. “Up to you. You can stay, if you wish. I’d like you to.”</p><p>***</p><p>The next morning, he makes her come twice with his tongue before they stumble to the shower together. Laughing, they clumsily hold onto whatever they can to make it work, until he gives up and grabs her, pinning her against the wall, fucking her with all his might.</p><p>Later, she suggests waffles and he agrees.</p><p>She eats it all with gusto again, telling him bad jokes that make him laugh despite himself.</p><p>“What happened to the little chick with a big head?”</p><p>“I--” He gasps for air. “I don’t know…”</p><p>“He tried to tie his shoes but did a somersault instead.”</p><p>His belly is cramping from laughing too much.</p><p>“What happened to the little chick who didn’t have an asshole?”</p><p>“Oh my god…” He wheezes.</p><p>“He had to fart but he exploded.”</p><p>“It's awful!” He manages between guffaws.</p><p>“Thank you.” She says, tilting her cup of milk.</p><p>Sighing, he wipes the tears from his eyes and tries to catch his breath. He can’t remember the last time he laughed like this. Never?</p><p>“So, are you really going nowhere?” She asks.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, I guess I’ll just… keep driving.” He says and sips on his coffee.</p><p>She dips a piece of waffles in the syrup. “Do you want to come with me?” She asks, chewing on her food. “To Scarif? I have a place booked for ten days. It’s a ‘cottage by the sea’ sort of thing. We can swim in the ocean, fuck, take a walk on the boulevard, have ice cream, eat the damned lobster rolls, the works.”</p><p>He laughs a little nervously. Once more he thinks no one would ask a stranger to partake on a trip to the beach, especially a woman alone.</p><p>“Rey, I--”</p><p>“You don’t have to, of course.” He can’t read any undertones or hidden meanings behind her words, she sounds like she’s making a proposition like any other. And maybe she is. Would that be so wrong? “But before you say anything… It would be a strictly casual thing. We’ll spend the ten days together and when it’s done… well, we’ll go our separate ways.”</p><p>That’s fine by him. He’s not looking for anything more either. And he appreciates the honesty.</p><p>Besides, there's nothing for him at home anymore. Not that there was much to begin with. There was a job, money and a family he so desperately wanted to forget. But those things are as empty as he feels now.</p><p>Fuck it.</p><p>“I would love to, Rey.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Feedback and comments are appreciated!</p><p>You may find me on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/ceciliasheplin">@ceciliasheplin</a> or on my <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/ceciliasheplin">CuriousCat</a> if you want to say hi.<br/>☀️🌊🎶</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to all who have read. I had never gotten this much praise for a first chapter before. I’m flattered!</p><p>If you click on the lyrics in the text, the link will take you to the exact point where they are sung in each music video. If you wish to listen to the entire song, click on the links below.</p><p>Songs featured in this chapter:</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2aBn-QuPVw">Just like Heaven by The Cure</a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3Pr1_v7hsw">I Want to Know What Love Is by Foreigner</a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt2mbGP6vFI">Another Day In Paradise by Phil Collins</a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlJew-Dw87I">Wicked Game by Chris Isaak</a>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She returns her rental car and they take his. She throws her worn out bag on the trunk next to his and they’re off to the sound of more 80’s music. Her choice.</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/q2aBn-QuPVw?t=49"> <em> Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/q2aBn-QuPVw?t=49"> <em> The one that makes me scream she said </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/q2aBn-QuPVw?t=49"> <em> The one that makes me laugh she said </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/q2aBn-QuPVw?t=49"> <em> Threw her arms around my neck </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/q2aBn-QuPVw?t=49"> <em> Show me how you do it and I'll promise you </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/q2aBn-QuPVw?t=49"> <em> I'll promise that I'll run away with you, I'll run away with you </em> </a>
</p><p>“How come you like this stuff?” Ben is driving as Rey turns up the volume. “You’re much too young to like 80’s music.”</p><p>“First of all, there’s no such thing as being too young for 80’s music,” she says, “Second, my foster home was a junkyard and one day I found some tapes inside one of the cars. I bought a player and some headphones on the thrift store and began to listen to it. Those were the only things I owned for a very long time.”</p><p>Foster home. Her voice doesn’t change when she says it, but he knows how delicate that sort of thing can be and he’s not about to make her feel uncomfortable by prying.</p><p>“You didn’t exactly grow up with these either.” She continues.</p><p>“Uh, I did actually.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?”</p><p>“My dad… he loves these songs and he loved to travel. He used to take us on road trips and these songs were the soundtrack. My mom also loves them. It was their thing, you know? They used to play them for each other in the car, I was in the back seat, listening. They’d talk to me about the lyrics, too. Each one had a story.”</p><p>“That’s so cool.”</p><p>He glances at her and sees dreamy eyes. She smiles and turns up the volume some more.</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/q2aBn-QuPVw?t=168"> <em> And found myself alone, alone, alone above a raging sea </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/q2aBn-QuPVw?t=168"> <em> That stole the only girl I loved and drowned her deep inside of me </em> </a>
</p><p>They travel south. The windows are open and the wind makes a mess out of their hair. She’s got her sunglasses on, her long, tan legs folded close to her chest. Once again she’s wearing denim shorts and an orange tank top that only makes her skin look more golden.</p><p>He should keep his eyes on the road.</p><p>Scarif is only a few hours away and they get there at dusk, Rey looking excited on the passenger seat. They drive by the main street, following the beach and the pedestrian boulevard where the tourists are watching the sun set in the ocean.</p><p>The sea reflects what’s left of the light of the day. There are a few surfers in the water and the restaurants and bars turn on their lights to begin the nightlife.</p><p>They drive to a secluded beach where there are a few houses sparsely built near the sand. The road becomes dirt as they reach the last one.</p><p>It is indeed a cottage by the seaside. It’s small and simple, built with worn out white wooden boards and grey roof. As they near it, Ben can see a large porch facing the ocean.</p><p>“Phew!” Rey exclaims, chuckling. “The photos were real.”</p><p>He parks and they unload the car. Rey turns the key and they go in through the back door.</p><p>There is a modest kitchen with a stove, an old fridge and a small dining table in the centre. The living room is the same open space with a cozy couch and a settee. A couple of patio doors face the large porch. The view is breathtaking.</p><p>The ocean looks calmer here, the small waves lapping at the shore. There is a path from the house to the beach through the green vegetation. He can see the sand is almost white.</p><p>“Wow...” He whispers to himself. </p><p>He opens the doors and inhales the warm ocean breeze. He remembers the last time he saw the ocean. He was maybe ten, their last trip as a family. His mother had been looking increasingly unhappy and his father was aloof and quiet.</p><p>Rey opens the door to the bedroom. “Oh, no,” she turns to him, wiggling her eyebrows. “There’s only one bed.”</p><p>Ben chuckles. She bites her lips and places a quick kiss on his cheek, heading to check the bathroom next.</p><p>The bedroom looks great; the large, comfortable looking bed makes him smile. The only other piece of furniture there is the closet and two nightstands. He takes his bag and places it next to hers on the floor and begins to unpack.</p><p>There’s a chuckle behind him and he turns around to see Rey holding a pamphlet.</p><p>“Lobster rolls!” She says with a large smile.</p><p>***</p><p>They walk along the boulevard side by side, eating. The city is full and busy with tourists but it’s not too crowded, just perfect to give the warm night the lively feel of summer vacation.</p><p>“So good. Totally worth it.” She says.</p><p>“They’re great.”</p><p>“Did you like the cottage?”</p><p>“Yes, I did,” Ben says, glancing at her. “Why do you ask?”</p><p>She shrugs. “I don’t want to make any assumptions but you look like someone who could afford staying in places a lot fancier than that.”</p><p>Ben certainly could afford it, but he never took vacations, let alone stay in fancy hotels. Snoke would always be postponing his vacation time and Ben simply got used to that, he supposes. Besides, where would he go all by himself? Or why would he want to think of something else other than work?</p><p>“The cottage is perfect. This is great.” Ben says.</p><p>“I’m glad you liked it, Ben.” Rey says.</p><p>“Rey, you have got to let me pay for that--”</p><p>“Shut up.” She cuts him off.</p><p>“I’m serious—”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up, Ben. It’s paid for.”</p><p>“Well, yeah, then let me pay for my half—”</p><p>“You got the lobster rolls, we’re even.”</p><p>“That’s not--”</p><p>“Ben,” she stops and faces him, looking almost amused. “You’re killing the mood.”</p><p>Ben lets out a breathy, incredulous laugh. “But--”</p><p>“We’ll split everything from now on, okay? That better?” Rey asks, grinning.</p><p>He deflates and admits defeat, although it still doesn't seem fair. “Okay, fine.”</p><p>***</p><p>“This one is so good,” Rey chuckles as the song begins to play. “I didn’t know the names of the bands until I was older and found the music videos on YouTube.”</p><p>Ben can’t remember it either but he’s not paying too much attention to the song anyway. They're lying on the beach, resting on a picnic blanket beneath the stars. Rey is tucked under his arm as they stargaze with his phone on top of his chest where the music plays.</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/r3Pr1_v7hsw?t=14"> <em> I've gotta take a little time </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/r3Pr1_v7hsw?t=14"> <em> A little time to think things over </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/r3Pr1_v7hsw?t=14"> <em> I better read between the lines </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/r3Pr1_v7hsw?t=14"> <em> In case I need it when I'm older </em> </a>
</p><p>“I just love how intense and bad-ass he is, you know?” Rey says. “The chorus, oh my god, you just want to…” She stretches one hand dramatically and the other makes a fake microphone.</p><p>The speakers try their best to blare out the famous chorus.</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/r3Pr1_v7hsw?t=96"> <em> I wanna know what love is </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/r3Pr1_v7hsw?t=96"> <em> I want you to show me </em> </a>
</p><p>“Yes, it’s the best. The lyrics are beautiful, actually.” He muses.</p><p>“They are. People always told me that these songs were tacky, corny or mushy, like that was ever a bad thing. I said yeah <em> and </em> they’re great!” She chuckles.</p><p>They listen to the song fade away.</p><p>“Alright, one of yours now.” She says.</p><p>“Mmm.” Ben thinks as he scrolls through his list. “This one.”</p><p>Rey looks at it. “Oh, Phil Collins, Another Day In Paradise. Don’t know that one.”</p><p>The song begins to play its catchy chords and Rey listens.</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/Qt2mbGP6vFI?t=50"> <em> He walks on, doesn't look back </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/Qt2mbGP6vFI?t=50"> <em> He pretends he can't hear her </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/Qt2mbGP6vFI?t=50"> <em> Starts to whistle as he crosses the street </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/Qt2mbGP6vFI?t=50"> <em> Seems embarrassed to be there </em> </a>
</p><p>Rey is quiet. In the faint light from the porch that reaches them, he peeks at her and sees her frowning.</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/Qt2mbGP6vFI?t=116"> <em> She's got blisters on the soles of her feet </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/Qt2mbGP6vFI?t=116"> <em> She can't walk but she's trying </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/Qt2mbGP6vFI?t=116"> <em> Oh, think twice, 'cause it's another day for you and me in paradise </em> </a>
</p><p>“The lyrics are so sad.” She says and folds her arms onto herself. He doesn’t like the way her face looks pensive.</p><p>“We don’t have to listen to this one.” Ben quickly says.</p><p>He smiles at her and gives her the phone. She gives him a thankful look and she taps on the screen a few times until a smooth guitar begins to play.</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/dlJew-Dw87I?t=17"> <em> The world was on fire and no one could save me but you </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/dlJew-Dw87I?t=17"> <em> It's strange what desire will make foolish people do </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/dlJew-Dw87I?t=17"> <em> I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/dlJew-Dw87I?t=17"> <em> And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you </em> </a>
</p><p>“Mmm, sexy guitar is sexy,” she laughs. “Have you seen the music video? It’s so horny, I love it.”</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/dlJew-Dw87I?t=51"> <em> No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) </em> </a>
</p><p>“Super horny...” Ben says with a smirk. Rey gives him an impish grin.</p><p>Her hand slides between his T-shirt and his stomach and makes its way up to his chest. She hums, caressing his skin at the same time, she places her leg over his.</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/dlJew-Dw87I?t=78"> <em> What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/dlJew-Dw87I?t=78"> <em> What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/dlJew-Dw87I?t=78"> <em> What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/dlJew-Dw87I?t=78"> <em> What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you </em> </a>
</p><p>“So, so horny…” Rey whispers.</p><p>Ben looks down at her and smiles back.</p><p>He relaxes even more, enjoying her touch on his skin. He loves her hands. He loves to be touched by her.</p><p>She caresses the planes of his chest under his T-shirt, until her hand slides back down, slowly, and she cups his cock. Without any rush, she strokes him over the thin fabric of his shorts. </p><p>The beach is empty but they are outside in the open. He’s never done anything like this before but he finds he doesn’t mind. If anything, that only adds to the thrill.</p><p>He feels his cock pulse deliciously under her hand. He sighs and looks at her and she reaches for a kiss. Her tongue rolls with his while her hand snakes inside his shorts.</p><p>His cock quickly becomes full and heavy under her touch. He has never felt this much lust for someone before. All it takes is a touch, a word or even just a look from her.</p><p>“I want to taste you.” Rey says against his mouth.</p><p>“Please...” He breathes.</p><p>She shifts to be on top of him and places small kisses on her way down. One on his lips, one on his pecs, one on his exposed stomach. The last one that lingers a little more as she unbuttons his shorts make him shiver.</p><p>The shaking gets greater when he looks down to see Rey capture his underwear with her teeth and pull it down, helped by her hands.</p><p>A weird sound and a curse leave his throat.</p><p>His cock springs out and she catches it, promptly stroking it some more and the feel of skin to skin forces his eyes closed and his head to fall back. He quickly recovers, just in time to witness her tongue trace a wet trail from his balls to the tip.</p><p>He watches in fascination as she plays with his cock. She licks it softly at first, teasing him, making his hips buck up. She chuckles and changes angle, gathering his foreskin and lightly mouthing on it.</p><p>He whimpers and sinks his hands on the picnic towel, trying not to move too much.</p><p>Rey cups his balls and lightly tugs on them. He groans at that, the ecstasy building up slowly at what she’s doing to him.</p><p>“Fuck… Rey…”</p><p>That’s when she locks eyes with him and opens her mouth, smoothing her lips over the head of his cock. She does it a few times, tugging on his shaft until she plunges and takes him all the way.</p><p>He gasps; the feeling and the sight of his cock buried inside her mouth is making him lose his mind. Rey slowly but hungrily sucks on him, making lewd slurping sounds. He can feel the drag of her tongue and lips against his sensitive cock on every stroke.</p><p>He’s lost to the pleasure she’s giving him, here under the stars, in the dark, so far away from the real world. It’s the most erotic experience of his life.</p><p>She pulls away from him and licks her lips. “Do you want to fuck my mouth, Ben?” She asks, her voice breathy with arousal.</p><p>“Oh, god… fuck yeah…” He blurts out. </p><p>She parts her lips and takes as much as she can again, sucking hard this time. His hand grabs her hair. His hips thrust up into her until he can feel his cock hit the back of her throat. He lets out a series of strangled moans as he fucks her mouth, still trying not to go too deep so not to choke her.</p><p>He knows he’s close. He wishes he could make this last longer, but his body betrays him and his hips won’t stop and neither will Rey.</p><p>“Gunna come…” He stutters and she hums with his cock buried on her throat.</p><p>He cries out as his orgasm hits all over his body. His cock pulses his cum into her mouth and he keeps moaning through the waves of pleasure that rack him, until he has emptied himself into her.</p><p>Ben pants raggedly and Rey pulls away, swallowing his cum and smiling as she does. The fire in his veins give place to the most wonderful bliss and he wants to give it back to her.</p><p>As soon as he is able, he tucks his spent cock back into his underwear and tackles her, making her lie on her back, giggling.</p><p>“My turn…” He says and she nods with a smile.</p><p>He slides off her shorts, wondering if she wants him to take it slow but when she almost kicks him trying to get rid of her underwear, he promptly buries his face in her cunt, licking her with hunger, making those beautiful sounds leave her throat.</p><p>“Oh, yes, Ben!”</p><p>She’s soaked and he drinks her in, holding her down with both of his hands hooked over her legs. He can’t get over how good she tastes, but she’s impatient.</p><p>“Ben…” She says and thrashes against his grip. He presses his thumb over her entrance, gently prodding, but never going too deep.</p><p>Judging by the sound she makes, she likes it. And he keeps at it. Another peek at her and he sees her face washed in pure pleasure. He follows the discrete rhythm her hips make and draws circles with his thumb, sucking on her clit at the same time.</p><p>“Two fingers… please, Ben… inside.” She soon asks.</p><p>He grins against her flesh and slides in two digits, opening her up, his lips never leaving her clit. She gasps and presses herself against his hand and it’s her turn to tug on his hair.</p><p>He pleasures her like this with her movements urging him to go faster. He’s in a haze, elated, drunk.</p><p>He twists his wrist so the palm of his hand is facing upwards, and he curls his fingers inside her.</p><p>She cries out and he can feel a gush of moisture coat his hand and chin. He works her through her orgasm, never stopping his movements with his lips, tongue and fingers until she is left heaving through her lungs.</p><p>He places small, gentle kisses on her clit, making her legs twitch.</p><p>“Oh, no…” She moans, hiding her face with her hands, but not really ashamed.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I ruined the picnic towel, didn’t I?” She grins, still trying to catch her breath.</p><p>Ben chuckles from between her legs, licking his fingers clean.</p><p>“Best picnic I’ve ever had.” He says.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I totally did not watch the Wicked Game music video on loop while writing this scene. Nope. Absolutely not.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You guys read the tag “Porn With Feelings” right?</p>
<p>Songs featured in this chapter:</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR8D2yqgQ1U">True by Spandau Ballet</a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djV11Xbc914">Take on Me by A-ha</a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuZA6qiJVfU">Drive by The Cars</a>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey is a vision in the tiniest bikini he’s ever seen. He predicts a lot of awkward boners along the day and he’s thankful for the shorts he decided to buy last minute along with the speedos.</p>
<p>They help each other apply sunscreen, the highest SPF he could find.</p>
<p>It’s a glorious day, it’s hot but the ocean breeze makes it pleasant. There isn’t a cloud in the sky and the sun shines bright on both the sea and the sand; it’s almost blinding. </p>
<p>They lounge on the mat to sunbathe, or at least Rey does, Ben can’t really find a comfortable position and the sun is too strong for his pale skin.</p>
<p>Rey chuckles when he gives up and sits on the chair under the parasol.</p>
<p>“Play it for me?” Rey asks.</p>
<p>Ben fishes his cellphone and hits shuffle play.</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/AR8D2yqgQ1U?t=37"> <em> So true funny how it seems </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/AR8D2yqgQ1U?t=37"> <em> Always in time, but never in line for dreams </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/AR8D2yqgQ1U?t=37"> <em> Head over heels when toe to toe </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/AR8D2yqgQ1U?t=37"> <em> This is the sound of my soul </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/AR8D2yqgQ1U?t=37"> <em> This is the sound... </em> </a>
</p>
<p>Unwillingly, he remembers that this particular song was a favourite of his mom’s. Dad didn’t like it but he would always play it for her. She said it reminded her of summer. It used to be Ben’s favourite too.</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/AR8D2yqgQ1U?t=81"> <em> Huh huh huh hu-uh huh </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/AR8D2yqgQ1U?t=81"> <em> I know this much is true </em> </a>
</p>
<p>“Those trips with your parents… did they used to take you often?” Rey asks.</p>
<p>“Yeah. When I was young it was at least twice a year. One in the summer and one in the winter. Mom was a really busy career woman, but she always took the time.”</p>
<p>Until she didn’t.</p>
<p>“Where did you go?”</p>
<p>“Everywhere, really. There was once a trip to a beach much like this one. Another one to the mountains. The only rule was: we would never go to the same place twice, always somewhere different.”</p>
<p>Rey looks lost in a daydream as she listens, absentmindedly curling one strand of hair on her finger.</p>
<p>Ben is surprised that talking about his parents to Rey doesn’t make him feel sick. He figures it’s because she only wants to know about the good parts. “My dad was the one who liked to travel. He didn't really plan it carefully, sometimes he just told us to pack our bags and we were off.”</p>
<p>“What did your mother think about that?”</p>
<p>Ben chuckles. “My mom wouldn’t admit it, but it amused her to no end. She said that’s why she loved my dad, he would always surprise her. They used to fight a lot, but it was never anything bad. It always ended in a hug.”</p>
<p>“That’s sweet.”</p>
<p>“Yeah… I remember that my dad used to rock me to sleep in his arms when I had nightmares. He would stay with me for as long as it took until I fell asleep.”</p>
<p>“Your dad sounds like a good dad.”</p>
<p>“He was, until... he left us.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sorry.” Rey says.</p>
<p>Ben remembers how his heart broke, the image he had of his father came crumbling down and the love turned into hate. Ben knows now that it will never mend. “It’s in the past.” He says quietly.</p>
<p>He doesn’t want to think about it anymore.</p>
<p>“Come on,” Ben says, getting up and offering his hand to her. “Let’s go swim.”</p>
<p>Rey smiles and takes his hand. The sea is calm and the waves offer little resistance. Soon, Rey is neck deep.</p>
<p>Her movements are unpracticed and she doesn’t follow when he goes deeper.</p>
<p>“Here.” He takes her hands and loops them around his neck and her legs wrap around his hips, in a piggyback ride.</p>
<p>He takes her deeper and starts to swim.</p>
<p>She leans her head against his, relaxing as he strokes further into the calm sea. The slow waves rock them up and down in a pleasant rhythm.</p>
<p>When they come back, and his feet touch the bottom, Rey maneuvers herself in front of him, clinging to him like a koala.</p>
<p>She brushes his wet hair back on his scalp and massages his ears. He has the reflex to cover them again but she stops his hand, putting it back around her.</p>
<p>Her fingers trace the lines of his face. She looks serious as she does it, examining his face attentively.</p>
<p>He watches her too, his eyes seeking each freckle on her wet skin. With the sun reflecting in her eyes, he sees a beautiful array of colours looking back at him.</p>
<p>She kisses him. Just a quick contact, but the bliss of the touch of her lips is just as powerful as the fiery kisses they exchanged before. She doesn’t kiss him again, instead, she lightly bumps their noses with eyes closed, then resting her forehead on his as they sway with the waves.</p>
<p>Later, they walk along the beach to town just in time for lunch. He had suggested a sandwich but she opted for ice cream instead. He said ice cream is not a proper meal.</p>
<p>“Says who?” Rey asks, taking her second ice cream from the clerk.</p>
<p>A song plays from the loud speakers in the busy ice cream stand.</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914?t=36"> <em> We're talking away </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914?t=36"> <em> I don't know what </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914?t=36"> <em> I'm to say I'll say it anyway </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914?t=36"> <em> Today's another day to find you </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914?t=36"> <em> Shying away </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914?t=36"> <em> I'll be coming for your love, okay? </em> </a>
</p>
<p>“This one reminds me of Finn.” She says.</p>
<p>“Finn?”</p>
<p>“My brother.”</p>
<p>Ben smiles. He’s glad she still has some family.</p>
<p>“We were foster siblings. We only had each other growing up,” she says. “He got into the house when we were both twelve. We bonded instantly.”</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914?t=54"> <em> Take on me (take on me) </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914?t=54"> <em> Take me on (take on me) </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914?t=54"> <em> I'll be gone </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/djV11Xbc914?t=54"> <em> In a day or two </em> </a>
</p>
<p>“Listen… He goes so high!” She laughs at the music, but her smile fades a little as she continues. “Me and Finn agreed on everything except our taste in music. Finn never liked 80’s songs, except for this one. We loved the music video. It’s bonkers! You see, eventually my tapes ripped and I was devastated. But Finn saved money and got me a mp3 player with all the songs in it.”</p>
<p>“Your brother sounds like a good brother.”</p>
<p>She hums affirmatively. “He saved my life, more than once…” she trails off, but her eyes quickly sparkle again. “I’m going to see him in two weeks. When he comes back from his honeymoon.”</p>
<p>“Oh, he just got married? That’s great.”</p>
<p>“Yep. Big wedding. It was beautiful.” She says and blinks slowly, her lips forming a proud but sad smile. “I gave him away.”</p>
<p>He glances at her and sees fondness brought up by happy memories but also sadness, before she erases it with a smile.</p>
<p>“Whoa…” He hears Rey say and she stumbles a little, holding onto his arm. He quickly catches her and watches her attentively.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?”</p>
<p>She looks up and chuckles. “Yeah, just… dizzy.”</p>
<p>“You sure?”</p>
<p>“Yeah…” She says, straightening her back, her smile back on her face. “Fine.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Ben washes the sleep from his face. He has a grin that has never been there. Especially not in the mornings.</p>
<p>Rey is in the kitchen making omelets. She’s humming to the song playing on her battered phone.</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/xuZA6qiJVfU?t=158"> <em> Who's gonna hold you down </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/xuZA6qiJVfU?t=158"> <em> When you shake? </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/xuZA6qiJVfU?t=158"> <em> Who's gonna come around </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/xuZA6qiJVfU?t=158"> <em> When you break? </em> </a>
</p>
<p>He sees her grab an orange pill box and pop a pill in her mouth, gulping it down with a glass of water.</p>
<p>“Morning.” He says.</p>
<p>“Morning!” She smiles and puts the pill box back in her pocket. “Hungry?”</p>
<p>“Yes, thank you.”</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/xuZA6qiJVfU?t=181"> <em> You can't go on </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/xuZA6qiJVfU?t=181"> <em> Thinking nothing's wrong, oh no </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/xuZA6qiJVfU?t=181"> <em> Who's gonna drive you home </em> </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/xuZA6qiJVfU?t=181"> <em> Tonight? </em> </a>
</p>
<p>They eat and spend the morning at the beach. She asks him to take her to swim on his back in the ocean again.</p>
<p>After lunch, she tells him she’s going for a walk by herself on the beach.</p>
<p>He gazes at her silhouette against the white sand. He loves the shape of her body, her long, strong legs, her narrow waist, her arms, her neck, everything. She walks until she is so tiny he can’t tell it’s her.</p>
<p>When she comes back, they take a nap together on the porch, Rey sleeping on his chest.</p>
<p>They wake up with the rain pouring down on them.</p>
<p>Startled, Rey yelps and jumps from him, grabbing the towel while he grabs his shirt. They laugh as they hurry to close the windows.</p>
<p>Ben slams the double doors shut, panting from running around the house.</p>
<p>When he looks at Rey again she reaches behind her and pulls on the string of her bikini with the most wicked smile on her face. She disappears inside the bedroom before it comes undone.</p>
<p>A large smile blooms on his face. He goes after her and spots her bikini top on the floor. Her shorts are a little further, next to the bed.</p>
<p>On the bed, he finds her spinning her bikini bottom around her finger, lying on her stomach.</p>
<p>He takes a moment to look at her. He can’t help but stare at the recent tan marks on her back and ass.</p>
<p>He climbs on the bed and places a kiss on her bottom, right where the tan mark begins. He licks it, tasting the salt on her skin, making his way up, tracing her spine with his tongue and lips. When he reaches her neck, he bites it softly, and she hums.</p>
<p>The rain patters against the window.</p>
<p>He hovers over her, making no contact. Looking at her from above, he takes it all in. His body is already burning, aching for her, like it has been with her so far. It’s a deep desire, but it feels light and easy, and he dives in. </p>
<p>She stretches and slightly wiggles her ass up, just to tease him. He laughs with her, thinking he loves this sound most of all. </p>
<p>He makes his way back down her body, with his hand this time. He caresses her back and squeezes her ass. Carefully, he traces the curve of her bottom and reaches her pussy. She’s not wet yet, so he lightly brushes her folds and then her clit.</p>
<p>She lets him take his time. And he does, seeing in her the same desire and freedom he feels, and it’s beautiful. <em> She’s </em> beautiful, unlike anyone has ever been to him, ever. </p>
<p>He gets up to remove his clothes and he’s back on top of her next, careful not to crush her.</p>
<p>But she pulls him to her, and he slides his hands underneath her, working one breast with one hand and her clit with the other.</p>
<p>“Tell me what you want.” He whispers against her skin.</p>
<p>“This… your hands… your body on top of me…” He loves it when she talks like that, voice a little breathy and mellow.</p>
<p>He has her encased beneath his body, and he rocks his erection between her but cheeks while she makes small movements with her hips, enough to make his cock become hard and full and smear precum all over her skin.</p>
<p>His hand snakes up and he presses his finger inside her mouth and she sucks hard on it. He has to stop for a moment in order to regain control because she moans with his finger inside his mouth. His arousal is sharp and fervent, his body almost can’t wait.</p>
<p>When his finger leaves her, they just breathe together for a while, his nerves shivering with anticipation.</p>
<p>“Fuck me, Ben…”</p>
<p>He gets up to grab a condom and puts it on. Slowly, he slides into her. She feels even tighter with this position, warm and inviting.</p>
<p>He slides a hand back to her clit and fucks her slowly. His body is screaming to go faster but he doesn’t want to, he wants to feel her, and he needs this to last.</p>
<p>Rey seems lost with her eyes closed, lying on the bed with a blissful expression on her face.</p>
<p>“Does this feel good?”</p>
<p>“So good, Ben, don’t stop.” She moans.</p>
<p>The rain is pouring now and there’s the sound of thunder in the distance.</p>
<p>He is moaning too, with his head between her shoulder blades, watching his cock disappear inside her cunt.</p>
<p>“Tell me…” He breathes on her neck.</p>
<p>“Harder…”</p>
<p>He loops his arms under and around her shoulders, supported on his forearms, and he gives a hard thrust, holding her tight.</p>
<p>She cries out in pleasure and he can feel her clenching around him. </p>
<p>“More…”</p>
<p>His mind is spinning and he gives another, harder, breathing through his teeth. He’s so deep, and she grips him so perfectly in her warmth.</p>
<p>He fucks her hard until she calls him, breathless.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she says. “Flip me over.”</p>
<p>He gets off of her and easily spins her around.</p>
<p>Her eyes are hooded and her hair is a mess. Beautiful. She looks him in the eye and smiles as she opens up for him. His gaze falls to her glistening cunt, spread out before him.</p>
<p>Still on his knees on the bed, he takes her by the hips and pulls her to him. She moans and hisses when his cock slides back inside her. He grabs both her legs and opens her wider, folding her in half.</p>
<p>The rain becomes a storm and the thunder gets louder.</p>
<p>Always watching her, he fucks her with increasing intensity and she lets out a gasp at each thrust.</p>
<p>Rey moves too, pushing her body up, meeting him halfway, her hand working frantically on her clit. They go faster and faster, keeping this furious rhythm, chasing their pleasure together.</p>
<p>She moans loudly and fists the sheet, her body tensing and clenching all around him as she comes around his cock.</p>
<p>Once she’s done, he gives a few more thrusts and holds her hips to his cock as he reaches his peak. His orgasm sends jolts of electricity through his body and takes over his mind, wave after wave until he's emptied himself into her.</p>
<p>He collapses on his arms and feels her caress his hair, with a sated smile on her face.</p>
<p>The rain is pattering lighter on the window as they lie down together, listening to the sounds of the fading storm.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>True by Spandau Ballet is my favourite song too...</p>
<p>But Take On Me wins best music video for sure!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The response to this fic continues to surprise and amaze me. Thank you again for all your lovely comments.</p><p> </p><p>Song featured in this chapter:</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkOr12AQpnU">Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order</a>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> “You think you can just show up and say you’re sorry and then everything is going to magically be okay?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “We want you to come home, Ben.” His father bravely says through Ben’s rage. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ben laughs, almost maniacally. “Home?! You left that home, remember?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “We miss you. Me and your mother.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Fuck you! I have no mother. I have no father. You are dead to me. The both of you!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben jolts awake with a gasp and for a moment he doesn’t know where he is. The recent memory the dream conjured up lingers and leaves tears in his eyes. He breathes in slowly, trying to get rid of them before he has to explain to Rey what he was dreaming about.</p><p>The sun is already high in the sky. He looks to his side and Rey is still sleeping, her back to him. He gets up slowly so not to wake her and goes to sit on the porch.</p><p>It’s almost noon and Rey is still asleep. Ben checks on her again. She slept through breakfast and the entire morning, almost twelve hours. He crouches beside her, watching her snoring softly.</p><p>He supposes it’s fine, she should be able to sleep all she wants. They’re on vacation, after all. And it can be tiring, especially the kind of vacation that they’re having.</p><p>He leaves a message for her by the bed saying he’ll be back soon.</p><p>He gets into the car and drives to the grocery store. He buys them all the things Rey likes to eat for breakfast and has an idea for dinner. Maybe they could stay in, have a glass of wine and eat some cheese with a baguette...</p><p>By the time he’s back it’s already 2pm. He opens the door to the cottage, carrying the bags in one hand, calling for Rey, but she doesn’t answer.</p><p>Ben checks the bedroom and she’s still there, sleeping. Worry surges in his heart. He kneels in front of her and lightly brushes her arm, trying not to startle her.</p><p>“Rey?”</p><p>She hums and frowns, opening her eyes. When they focus on Ben she smiles.</p><p>“What time is it?” She asks. </p><p>“It’s past 2pm.”</p><p>She lets out a groan and turns to her back. “Sorry, I overslept…”</p><p>“Oh, no, it’s fine. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”</p><p>Her eyes linger on him a little before she stretches and yawns. “It has been so long since I have slept that much. It feels so good.”</p><p>Ben finds it a little strange that someone could sleep for fourteen hours after napping the day before but he supposes it’s fine. His worry is abated.</p><p>“Sorry I left you alone.” She says, rolling his hair back on his ear.</p><p>“It’s okay, Rey,” he smiles fondly at her and gives her a kiss on the cheek. “What do you want to do today?”</p><p>***</p><p>After their lazy afternoon on the beach, Ben looks proudly at the table he set with the cheese, wine and bread. He loves the way Rey gets excited about food. She makes little exclamations when she examines them, and each one is a favourite.</p><p>She sets her phone on the table next to them.</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/tkOr12AQpnU?t=78"> <em> Every time I see you falling </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/tkOr12AQpnU?t=78"> <em> I get down on my knees and pray </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/tkOr12AQpnU?t=78"> <em> I'm waiting for that final moment </em> </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/tkOr12AQpnU?t=78"> <em> You say the words that I can't say </em> </a>
</p><p>“My dad loved this song,” Ben says and his heart tightens. “It was one that he would play the most. Not my favourite but he said it was because it reminded him of the time when he met my mother.”</p><p>“How did they meet?”</p><p>“Through my uncle. They were really good friends so he was always around her. My mother hated him... until she didn’t.”</p><p>“Uncle? You have a big family.” She says.</p><p>“I guess you could say that. I do have a lot of uncles, though only one is biological. But I don’t talk to them anymore.”</p><p>“Oh, really?” She asks softly, taking a bite at the baguette.</p><p>“Yeah, long story,” Ben says. “That's why I moved to Coruscant. To take the job at Snoke’s firm. The money is good. I get to live in one of those condos that take up the entire block, right in front of the main park.”</p><p>“Must be great to be this rich.”</p><p>“I only took that job to spite my uncle and my mother. Their firms are historical rivals.”</p><p>“Oof,” she makes a face, but it’s not judgmental in the way he expected. “That’s rough…”</p><p>
  <em> I have no mother. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I have no father. </em>
</p><p>“Yeah, all parents ever do for their kids is traumatize them,” she continues seriously. “We have to find those who will stick out for us.”</p><p>“Like Finn?”</p><p>“Like Finn,” Rey smiles a sad smile and looks down. “I’m really looking forward to seeing him. His husband is great too. He makes Finn very happy.”</p><p>“That’s good.” Ben says sincerely. </p><p>”When I first met Poe, his husband, I didn’t like him at all,” she chuckles. “It took some time before I got used to him being in Finn’s life. After all, it had been just the two of us for so long.”</p><p>Ben can sense the underlying sadness in her words when she talks about her brother, even if she has nothing but good things to say about him.</p><p>“Ben?”</p><p>He looks at her.</p><p>“Thank you for this. The time you’re spending here with me.”</p><p>Ben blinks, taken by surprise and unable to think of anything to say in response.</p><p>“Thank you.” Rey repeats and squeezes his hand briefly, not looking at him, lips parted to let out a breath.</p><p>“I’m having a wonderful time too.” He lamely says, wishing he had better words to offer her.</p><p>***</p><p>“Rey?”</p><p>She is sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a glass of water in her hand.</p><p>She turns slightly when he calls her.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>She places the glass and the pill box on the nightstand and lies on the bed on her belly, propped on her forearms.</p><p>“I couldn’t sleep,” she says. “Sorry I woke you.”</p><p>“You didn’t.”</p><p>In the dark, he can’t see her eyes and he wants to ask her again but then she crawls forward to him and captures his lips.</p><p>She kisses him with the usual hunger and his body responds. His heart begins to race and he can feel the heat rising. And his cock stirs between his legs. But he needs to be sure.</p><p>He breaks the kiss gently. “Rey?” He asks her, gently brushing her arms. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“I am, Ben, I promise,” she says. “I just woke up and took something, that’s all.”</p><p>“If you’re sure.”</p><p>“I am,” she says and he can hear her grin. “But now that you’re awake too…”</p><p>She comes in for another kiss and they open their mouths further, making their tongues roll together. He can’t resist. Her warm, wet tongue against his does things to him. She tastes so good. But he needs more.</p><p>“Come here.” He beckons her, after the kiss ends, pulling her gently on her arms. She goes, letting him guide her hips closer to his face.</p><p>She sighs contentedly, carefully placing each knee beside his head and lowering herself onto him.</p><p>Ben moans when his lips come into contact with her folds as she rocks her hips on his face slowly.</p><p>Her arousal spreads all over his chin and cheeks as he laps at her cunt, tasting her sweet essence. He can feel his cock throbbing but he ignores it. She’s so soft and tastes so good, he could do this for hours.</p><p>He loves this position, his hands are free to roam on her skin, lightly caressing her thighs, her ass and then tracing the curve of her waist. He can reach all the way up her tits and he squeezes them in his palms. He loves the way they feel firm and soft at the same time; her nipples pebbling against his hands make his breath hitch in his throat.</p><p>Rey whimpers and gasps softly, moving her hips on his face to where she likes his tongue best.</p><p>They keep a mellow rhythm for a while until she leaves him momentarily and turns, leaning over his torso and taking his cock in her hand.</p><p>A muffled moan escapes him when she starts to tease him with her lips and he stops what he was doing for a moment. He soon recovers and he’s licking her again, the position allowing him to flick her clit with his tongue in a new angle.</p><p>That makes her moan around his cock and another layer of pleasure runs through him. He’s not really chasing an orgasm, and neither is she apparently, by the languid, slow movements she makes. They are only giving each other pleasure, enjoying the wonderful sensations their bodies can bring to one another.</p><p>When she leaves him, he licks his lips with eyes closed, swallowing as much of her as he can. He can hear her opening a drawer and the noise of foil paper.</p><p>“Okay?” She asks.</p><p>“Yes…”</p><p>She takes his cock and rolls the condom on, slowly and gently. He sits up and she straddles him, pushing herself down onto his cock.</p><p>In the dark, the feeling of her hot cunt around him makes him wish he could see her face more clearly. His body is alight, but the heat burns slowly, taking over his mind and all he can feel is Rey.</p><p>His hands are on her hips, not really guiding but following her rhythm.</p><p>He sucks a nipple in his mouth. She whimpers as he does it and loops her arms around him too, desperately pulling him closer. He mouths and sucks, making her hips stutter. He does it to the other one, and she moans, carding her hands through his hair.</p><p>Breathless, he holds her tight against his torso and she does the same. They whimper softly, panting and grasping each other desperately. The fire in his body roars.</p><p>Their position doesn’t allow for much movement but it doesn’t matter, to feel her close is all he craves and she seems to need the same thing. This harmony feels rare and precious, and it makes him almost feel delirious.</p><p>When their orgasms come to them, it’s almost too much. They hold onto each other, letting it flow freely through their bodies. Ben can feel his entire body spasming as he gasps against her neck.</p><p>This one is different, more intense. Even after it ends he can still feel that his body is oversensitive, like exposed wire. He is moaning and whimpering, his grasp digging into her skin. His brain is flooded by bliss and the feeling of their climax lingers yet.</p><p>“Rey… Rey… Rey…” He can only mumble her name over and over, his lips searching for hers and his hands never leaving her skin. She does the same and they are a mess of sweat and heat, kissing and breaking the kiss only long enough to catch their breaths.</p><p>He knows they’ll have to move eventually but he doesn’t want to. All he wants is to be here, simply holding her in his arms.</p><p>Rey is still shaking. He wants to look at her but when they lie down she turns around and fits back into his body so he’s spooning her. He falls asleep before her shaking stops.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No songs for this chapter. Brace yourselves...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the days are spent the same way. Making love whenever and however they like. Laughing together, telling stories about themselves. Lying side by side at the beach, just being silent, listening to the ocean. Swimming with Rey on his back. Eating Rey’s favourite foods back in town. Playing the songs they love the most to each other.</p><p>On the eve of the end of their stay, Rey always has a smile for him but doesn’t keep his gaze for long.</p><p>He doesn’t sleep well that night.</p><p>***</p><p>He’s supposed to drive them to town so she can rent a car and continue on her way back home. </p><p>They don’t speak while packing their bags; the murmur of the ocean is the only sound to be heard.</p><p>They busy themselves with cleaning, but are never in the same room together.</p><p>He looks around the cottage they inhabited for such a short period of time. Most of the things they had spread around the house during their stay have now been put away. The bedsheets are in the laundry basket. The dishes are drying on the rack.</p><p>He sets his bag on the floor by the door.</p><p>But when she drops her bag next to his, something inside him breaks.</p><p>“Come home with me.” He blurts out, his voice quivering as he places himself between her and her bag. He is looking at her expectantly, wishing, hoping, <em> begging </em>.</p><p>Her face registers surprise, then fear, then pain, then it hardens. </p><p>“I can’t.” She says curtly.</p><p>Ben’s heart sinks a little but he pushes through. “Then let me go with you.”</p><p>“Ben, I-I can’t, alright?”</p><p>“Can’t?”</p><p>“I-I don’t want to.” She says, looking to the floor, her jaw clenching.</p><p>“You don’t want to?” Ben echoes, searching for her gaze.</p><p>“Ben…” She sighs, frustrated.</p><p>“Why are you lying?” He’s not sure what possessed him to talk like this but the words come out of his mouth before he can stop them.</p><p>She gasps in outrage, gaping at him. “I’m not lying!”</p><p>“Yes, you are. I can tell.” He continues, not recognizing his own voice anymore. </p><p>She becomes belligerent. “Fuck you! You don’t know me like that!”</p><p>“Well, then tell me the truth.”</p><p>“I don’t have to tell you anything!”</p><p>There is a pause when Ben remembers himself. Although his gut feeling told him something is wrong, he shouldn’t be talking like this, it’s rude and disrespectful. </p><p>“I’m sorry, if you don’t want to, that's fine, I’ll go,” he says, not even trying to hide the desperation in his voice. “But I have to be honest with you, Rey. I don’t want this to end...” </p><p>The pain he sees on her face makes him wonder if he crossed the line. She stares at him and breathes in.</p><p>“For fuck’s sake, Ben, this was supposed to be fun!” She says desperately.</p><p>“Rey, what’s wrong?” He insists.</p><p>“None of your business, Ben, stop pushing me!” Rey continues. “You are going to leave now and be happy we had this and go on with your life.”</p><p>“I want you in my life.” He lets out.</p><p>“No, you don’t.” She says through gritted teeth.</p><p>“Yes, I do. Why are you talking like that, Rey?” He pleads, afraid to even try to make sense of her words. “Please, I know something is wrong.”</p><p>“Yes, you’re being an asshole, that’s what’s wrong. Jesus, Ben, why can’t you just take what I gave you and move along?”</p><p>“Why?” He repeats in disbelief. “Rey, I—”</p><p>“Don’t!” She stops him. “Don’t you fucking say it!”</p><p>“I’m in love with you…” He confesses and the truth hits him like a thousand bricks. </p><p>“Fuck!” Rey’s face twists with despair. She clutches her forehead and begins to pace around. “No, Ben… fuck!”</p><p>“Rey?” Ben goes to her and lightly brushes her arms, gathering up the courage to ask her if she feels the same. But she keeps dodging him and doesn’t meet his gaze.</p><p>When she suddenly stops and faces him, he freezes.</p><p>“You’re asking me now, but you’re going to regret it,” she says quietly and he’s scared when he sees tears welling in her eyes. “As soon as I tell you, you’re going to wish you had just walked away when you had the chance.”</p><p>A cold feeling creeps up inside his stomach as it dawns on him.</p><p>He recalls when she felt dizzy, the erratic sleep patterns, the shaking, the pills.</p><p>“Rey… Are you sick?” He finally asks.</p><p>Her hands fly to hide her face and she breaks down.</p><p>He catches her, one arm supporting her torso and the other under her legs. He brings her to the couch and she cries and cries, clutching on his shirt. He holds her tight and hopes that this is enough to bring her comfort, even if he doesn’t know what to do or what to say.</p><p>There is a loud sob and she disentangles herself from his embrace and stumbles to her feet. Ben lets her go but the loss of her weight in his arms hurts him. She blindly opens the doors and runs to the beach and he follows.</p><p>He sits beside her on a log and waits.</p><p>“They said I won’t make it to Christmas.” Her voice is low and hoarse from crying.</p><p>Despair hooks his heart so deeply he can’t breathe.</p><p>“It’s leukemia. I had it for the first time a few years ago. The chemo worked but without the transplant it was only a matter of time before it came back, more aggressive. I’ve looked everywhere for a marrow but couldn’t find one that was a match. Something to do with my blood type. I recently lost my shitty insurance and the debt I accumulated won’t allow me to keep looking. And even if I could try the chemo again, without the marrow, there’s no point, so..."</p><p>“So?” He asks breathily.</p><p>“So I decided to live… for as long as I can.”</p><p>Ben feels cold. His heart is breaking. It hurts beyond anything he had ever felt before. He almost can’t fathom what’s happening right before his eyes.</p><p>“I told you,” Rey says ruefully. “You’re a fool, Ben Solo, and so am I.”</p><p>“Rey...”</p><p>“But think about it, you barely even knew me. There’s not much to forget.” She says bitterly.</p><p>Another stab at his heart. “Rey…” Her name is all he can muster.</p><p>They stay there for a while. Everything hurts now. He tries to take deep breaths but his lungs won’t do it. And he’s too shocked to cry.</p><p>With a huff, Rey gets up and walks back to the cottage. He goes after her.</p><p>It’s like she’s running away from him.</p><p>“Rey, I’m so sorry…”</p><p>She halts and turns around to face him, she looks furious. “You know what I hate? This look on people’s faces.” She says angrily, pointing at him, but he can’t change how he’s looking at her. “<em> Poor little sick girl </em>. I fucking hate that!”</p><p>He’s angry, too, but not at her.</p><p>“I don’t pity you, Rey.”</p><p>“Yes, you do!”</p><p>A thought lights up in his head and he blurts out again anxiously. “M-maybe I can help. We can keep looking. I can pay for it!”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’ll make a few calls, we can do it.”</p><p>“Ben, stop this--”</p><p>“I could get tested. We can see if mine works!”</p><p>“Ben…”</p><p>“I have enough money--”</p><p>“I don’t want your fucking money!” She shouts.</p><p>“I want to fight. Please--”</p><p>“Fight?!” She snaps. “You don’t know what you’re talking about! Have you ever seen cancer, Ben?”</p><p>Ben deflates and swallows. “No, I haven’t.” He admits.</p><p>“Have you ever seen chemo?” She challenges him.</p><p>“No.” He says quietly.</p><p>“I hope with all my heart that you never will.”</p><p>“Rey…”</p><p>“This is my choice, Ben. Please, respect it.”</p><p>He can’t. He must, but he can’t.</p><p>“Just let me stay,” He begs. “Please…”</p><p>Rey’s expression is pure outrage, anger and sorrow. She keeps her gaze firmly on his and takes a few steps to him.</p><p>“You were not supposed to do this to me,” she growls, her voice heavy with emotion. “You were not supposed to meddle into my life. You don’t get to ask these things of me and expect me to suffer so your heart doesn’t break. You’re a selfish asshole and I want you out of here now!”</p><p>She’s right, he is selfish. He can’t lose her. He can’t stand the pain.</p><p>“Go!” She screams.</p><p>He has no choice but to grab his bag and walk out the door and into his car. He hastily maneuvers the car and drives away from the white cottage with the grey roof, leaving her behind forever.</p><p>The tears finally come down on his face in rivulets.</p><p>***</p><p>The trip back is a blur.</p><p>Back at his apartment, he finds letters piled up in his mailbox. Many of them are from Snoke’s office.</p><p>He can’t really focus his eyes enough to read. He doesn’t care anyway.</p><p>He’s probably going to have to move, he thinks. He wonders where he would really like to live and he tries not to think of a cottage by the sea with Rey in his arms.</p><p>He lets his body fall onto his expensive couch in his expensive apartment. He stares at his expensive TV set. The AC is freezing. His apartment is dark.</p><p>He’s losing his mind. He feels sick. He can’t shake it. He needs her here. On this earth.</p><p>He strides to his bar and grabs a bottle of whiskey and a glass. He pours a dose and downs it. He pours another. Then another. </p><p>He tries not to think of lobster rolls and ice cream. Of smooth, tan skin under his body. Of a sweet mouth against his. Of crystalline laughter echoing across the room. Of the sun shining on hazel eyes. Of beautiful songs played and dedicated to one another.</p><p>He will never be able to listen to those songs ever again.</p><p>He swiftly gets up and hurls his glass against the wall where it shatters. The vase is next, followed by the few other decor items he owns. Ben only stops when he feels a sharp pain on his foot.</p><p>He curses and sits on the ground, removing the shard of glass from his flesh.</p><p>He lies on his back on the floor, letting it bleed. The pain and the alcohol offer no relief.</p><p>Rey doesn’t deserve this. She’s good and full of light. She deserves to live.</p><p>He would give her everything if he could. To the last drop of vital energy he has if it meant that she would live.</p><p>His thoughts wander to his usual place of self-loathing. He bitterly thinks that his heart was already dark, and now he can go all the way.</p><p>It will feel good to be free of the light. It has done nothing for him but to deceive him with promises of happiness. He belonged here. It’s always been his home.</p><p>***</p><p>“Hello.”</p><p>His father’s voice sounds grave on the phone; Ben guesses it’s because Han knows who’s calling.</p><p>“Hey, Dad… it’s me…” Ben says tentatively.</p><p>“Hello, Ben.”</p><p>“Hi…”</p><p>Ben hates talking on the phone and this pause is already taking too long. He almost regrets having called. His father waits.</p><p>“H-how are you?” Ben asks shakily.</p><p>“I’m okay. How are you, son?”</p><p>“I’m--” Ben chokes. He can’t keep the tears inside. He covers his mouth as choked sobs leave him. He’s already ruined this.</p><p>“I’m sorry…” Ben manages somehow through the tears and the pain that rack him.</p><p>“It’s okay, Ben, it’s going to be okay.”</p><p>His head hurts so much he thinks it’s going to explode.</p><p>“Dad…” The word comes out so strained it’s barely comprehensible.</p><p>“I know…” Han says, and Ben can hear the affection in his voice.</p><p>His father lets him cry on the phone, telling him it’s going to be okay.</p><p>***</p><p>“I’m so sorry, son.” Han says with his hand on Ben’s shoulder, sitting beside him on the steps of his porch, holding a cup of coffee in his hand.</p><p>“I don’t know what to do.” Ben admits quietly, and he feels younger than he is, like he’s back in his childhood growing pains with his father beside him, trying to figure each other out.</p><p>“There’s nothing for you to do. She says she doesn’t want help and told you she doesn’t want you in her life. You have to respect that.”</p><p>“I know, but if there’s a chance…”</p><p>“It’s her life, Ben.”</p><p>Ben sighs and nods. “She said I’m selfish. And I am. I don’t want to lose her. I can’t stand the thought of it.”</p><p>“No one wants to lose the ones they love,” Han says. “It’s a pain that stays with you. But such is life. All we can do is try and be there for each other.”</p><p>Ben looks at his father carefully, free of anger this time. His hair is completely white and deep wrinkles mark his kind face. It hurts him to realize it, but he’s glad he’s here now.</p><p>“I… I want that… I want us to.” Ben says between intakes of breath.</p><p>“Me too, son.”</p><p>“Dad?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“How’s mom?”</p><p>Han shifts and breathes in. “I haven’t called her in a while, but I know she would love to see you.”</p><p>“Yeah… okay…” Ben nods, wiping the tears from his face.</p><p>Han pats his son on the back.</p><p>Ben feels the deep need to hold his father. There’s a movement on Ben’s part to try and hold him, but Ben hesitates. It makes him wonder why it’s so hard to do this, but Han sees it and pulls him into a hug, swiftly and firmly. It feels a little awkward, but the comfort it brings is such a relief, he doesn’t understand how he spent so many years without it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments! They made me tear up.</p>
<p>Character tags have been updated, although none of them have lines. You know me, I still believe in the Skywalker family...</p>
<p>Song featured in this chapter: </p>
<p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOJk0HW_hJw">Is This Love by Whitesnake</a>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ben gets out of the elevator and strides across the hall of his building, still numb from his fitful sleep the night before. He just threw on probably the last clean T-shirt and shorts left and went out, heading to the grocery store. He hasn’t been out of the apartment today and his fridge is getting depressingly empty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His days would be unbearable if it weren’t for his parents. Ben drives all the way back to Chandrila to Han’s or Leia’s house whenever it gets too much. Or calls them to distract him from everything. He’s looking forward to visiting his dad this weekend. His uncles will be there for a mid-summer barbecue. And his mom will be there too, of course. It will be nice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s so distracted he doesn’t notice someone sitting in front of the building.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s sucker-punched. His lips part and a shaky gasp leaves him. It’s Rey’s voice behind him and he turns around to see those beautiful hazel eyes looking so hurt he wants to scream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A moment passes with them staring at each other. Ben wonders if she’ll be mad if he lunged at her and kissed her and held her to him and never let her go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then he remembers, there’s no such thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey…” He breathes out her name. His throat feels tight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She seems at a loss for words too. She doesn’t look angry anymore, she looks scared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I want to keep looking, I want to try,” she says with a quiet voice and his heart thunders in his chest loudly. “And… I want you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At that, he moves forward and sweeps her into his arms to kiss her. She kisses him back, the kiss wet with tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Moments later, he has her on his bed. They are lying over the duvet, fully clothed, he didn’t even take off his shoes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They don’t talk for a long time. They simply lie there, crying and stroking each other’s faces to wipe away the tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She falls asleep and his eyes dance over her sleeping face, adoring her beautiful features, until he falls asleep with her for a few hours.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they wake up, they order pizza. She explains that the drugs are beginning to not be enough. She tells him how much a visit to the doctor and the new pills would cost her now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s a lot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After they eat, he leads her to the bathroom. She lifts her arms so he can pull her top through them. Next, he reaches behind her and unhooks her bra. She tugs on his shirt and slides it over his head. They chuckle when they try to unbutton each other’s shorts at the same time. Rey wins and his shorts fall to the floor, followed by hers and their underwear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While he turns the water on, she wraps her arms around his torso and rests her head on his back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They get into the shower and embrace under the water stream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben takes his shampoo and squirts it on his hand to wash her hair. She does the same to him and she giggles, shaping his hair in funny forms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She closes her eyes and rinses the foam, pulling him with her to the water.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then, he gently turns her around. He suds the soap on his hands and lathers her back and shoulders, softly massaging her muscles. Pressing her against his chest next, he washes her front, slowly caressing her skin with his soapy hands. Ben can feel her shaking when she breathes out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He places kisses on the freckles on her shoulder after he’s washed the foam away and she sighs deeply. Smiling, she takes the soap from his hand and washes him too, her hands skimming the planes of his chest and squeezing his biceps. She makes him chuckle when she playfully pinches his ass, followed by a noisy kiss on his cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once they're clean, he steps out and grabs several towels. He wraps her in one and kneels to dry her legs and torso. He smooths the towel gently on her calves and thighs, while she ruffles another towel on his hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rey laughs and squeals when he tries to spray deodorant on her. She says it tickles but doesn’t pull away and he does it again, just so he can hear her laugh some more. They brush their teeth side by side bumping elbows and smiling at each other in the mirror.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes her in his arms and places her on his bed again, lying down with her. Holding her, he presses his forehead to hers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey, I’m so sorry I pushed you. I’m sorry for being an asshole.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She kisses his nose, accepting his apology. “You were only trying to help.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her fingers play with his hair and her eyes unfocus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I saw Finn,” she says. “And I told him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben frowns, genuinely shocked. “He didn’t know?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shakes her head, looking regretful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you tell him before, Rey?” Ben asks patiently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t have the heart. He was getting married to the love of his life.” She answers softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to ruin it for him. He was so happy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t be ruining anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The last time he— he was by my side through it all. He suffered so much. He was so happy I went into remission.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, he did suffer, Rey, but what about you?” Ben says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t answer, instead she keeps staring at his chin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey, look at me,” Ben asks gently and she hesitantly looks into his eyes. “Whatever it is, however it is. You don’t have to face it alone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rey blinks and a single tear runs down her face, Ben catches it with his thumb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told him about you, too.” Her fingers trace his jaw and reach his lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did?” He asks, watching her closely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I told him that I had met you,” her hand lovingly rounds his hair on his ear. “And that I had fallen in love with you…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His breath catches in his throat and he feels tears welling in his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He asked me what the fuck I was doing there with him, then,” she chuckles and he smiles. “So, here I am.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben holds her tight against his chest. His heart aches so bad. But it doesn’t matter. Rey is here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben, you do know what could happen, don’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” He bravely says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you still want to do this with me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There is no doubt in my mind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you know how guilty I feel for accepting your money, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s money, Rey.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, but it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> money.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think I care about fucking money when I can use it to help you? I can’t think of a better use for it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And if we can’t find it… or if the chemo doesn't work…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He won’t think about it. He can’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We will find it. And the treatment will work.” He says with all the certainty he can muster. “I know it will.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Dad!” Ben says when his father opens the door to his house. Han’s eyes immediately go to Rey and he smiles fondly. “This is Rey. Rey, this is my father Han.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey,” Han says and gently takes her hand on his. “It’s so great to meet you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s great to meet you too,” she says shyly and it’s so adorable Ben thinks he’ll burst.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They go straight to the back yard where everyone is waiting. Ben introduces her to his mom and Leia tenderly takes her hand on hers, just like Han did. Rey clings to Ben all the while, until it’s time to meet Chewie. He gets up from his seat and joyfully sweeps her into one of his bear hugs. That makes Rey laugh and her shoulders relax. Lando makes her laugh too when he tells her he never thought he would live to see Ben bring a girl home. Even Luke makes her smile, against all odds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before, Ben had asked Han not to have music but Ben lifted the ban when he told his father who was coming over. Han didn’t say much, but now there’s a song playing in the background. Ben elbows Rey and she chuckles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/GOJk0HW_hJw?t=67">
    <em>
      <span>I need you by my side</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/GOJk0HW_hJw?t=67">
    <em>
      <span>To tell me it's alright</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/GOJk0HW_hJw?t=67">
    <em>
      <span>'Cause I don't think I can take anymore</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rey looks at ease, although still a little shy, but seems to be enjoying the sun, food and company. She smiles, but her smile doesn’t linger like it used to; it’s sadder, smaller. He shoves the pain away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I<a href="https://youtu.be/GOJk0HW_hJw?t=75">s this love that I'm feeling</a></span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/GOJk0HW_hJw?t=75">
    <em>
      <span>Is this the love that I've been searching for</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/GOJk0HW_hJw?t=75">
    <em>
      <span>Is this love or am I dreaming</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/GOJk0HW_hJw?t=75">
    <em>
      <span>This must be love</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/GOJk0HW_hJw?t=75">
    <em>
      <span>'Cause it's really got a hold on me</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/GOJk0HW_hJw?t=75">
    <em>
      <span>A hold on me</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He watches his mother talking to Rey. Leia is delighted, Ben can tell. Rey is cautious but curious. The women talk for a long time and by the end, Leia is holding Rey’s hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Later, they drive back home. Rey dozes off in the car and Ben brushes her cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Back at the apartment, Rey looks tired but happy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you have fun?” He asks her as he closes the front door behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>”I didn’t know parents could be like this,” she says. “Your family is amazing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, they are,” Ben says. “I’m really lucky.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You and your parents are okay now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are working on it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so glad, Ben,” Rey says. “You deserve a family.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So do you, Rey.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to. I had Finn and Poe. And… now you?” She says with the cutest smile and so much hope in her eyes. “Will you be my family too?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His heart sings with pure joy. “If you’ll be mine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gently grabs him by his shirt. He recognizes her move and goes to her, kissing her blessed lips. The soft touch is so intense, it makes his heart race out of control.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She opens his shirt a little ways and snakes her hand inside to touch the skin on his chest. Her hand stops on top of his heart. He’s missed her so much, her hands, her eyes, her smile, her body…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you,” she whispers as if answering his own thoughts. “I missed you so much, Ben.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next kiss she gives him is ardent but calm, it feels new but familiar, and a warm feeling washes over him now he has her in his arms after being certain he was never going to have this again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rey…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take me to bed.” She asks, looping her arms around his neck. He lifts her and she wraps her legs around his waist as he moves to the bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gently places her on his bed and hovers over her. “I want to give you everything.” He breathes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben…” Her voice comes out strained and he thinks she might be holding back her tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their mouths meet again. She opens up to him and their tongues slide against one another. Her taste invades his mouth and she caresses his neck to bring him closer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He leaves her mouth and continues down her jaw, his lips and his hands touch her everywhere and he can feel her surrendering to his attention completely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He helps her out of her shorts and when she tugs on her underwear he takes her hands and kisses her palms, stopping her. She sighs and smiles, relaxing even more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He buries his face on her covered sex, inhaling her scent. He kisses and mouths on the thin fabric, her slick dampening it so it's almost transparent. Her hands are on his hair while he licks her further down, making his nose bump against her clit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben…” His name on her lips does things to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hooks his fingers into the waistband and pulls it down a little way, pressing kisses on the skin there. There’s a groan from her and he smiles, looking up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ben…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He slides her underwear all the way down, slowly and carefully along her legs. Then, he kisses his way back to her center, nibbling the skin of her inner thigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ben takes a moment to look at her. He wants to commit this moment to memory, and when he does, it gets a little easier to ignore the pain. He holds onto hope for the first time in his life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He opens his mouth and licks her folds all the way up to her clit, in one big swipe. A loud gasp leaves her. Her back arches and she squeezes him lightly with her thighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He keeps at it until she tugs on his arms, urging him up. “I want to come with you inside me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They rid themselves of the rest of their clothes in a hurry. Ben reaches for his drawer to find a condom. He moves back to her and hovers above her, groaning when he feels her grab his cock and help him align with her entrance. He pushes in and feels her cunt grip him in her blessed heat and softness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She lets out her breath of relief and he grunts, his emotions boiling to the surface again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can’t take his eyes off of her. His movements on top of her flow easily and he’s careful so he can feel every inch of her body against his. Only soft moans can be heard through the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her hands travel everywhere she can reach, but her eyes never leave his. Those hazel eyes he thought he would never see again. He sees them welling up and a soft sob hits him too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rey grabs his hair with one hand and the other holds his cheek, her lips part to let out a moan. She keeps her eyes on his as she climaxes; they become soft and, when she blinks, the tears finally run down her face. He can feel her clenching all around his cock and he lets her orgasm bring his. He buries himself as deep as he can and comes inside her, moaning softly and looking deep into her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His head is thundering by the sheer force of the orgasm they shared and when she kisses his cheeks, he realizes he is crying too.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We can breathe again!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is it! The end of the journey! I am floored by the love you have shown this fic and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I had a lot of fun going through the songs, they brought back good memories. This difficult topic hits close to home, so thank you again for all your support and for reading. It means the world to me.</p><p>Now, off to kick cancer in the butt!</p><p>Song featured in this chapter:</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0A7jAVDPJU">Coming Around Again by Carly Simon</a>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Leia helps them get in touch with a team of doctors. Their head is an old friend of Leia’s and she’s a specialist, so Rey will be in the best hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They resume the searching through the marrow banks. But what Ben has been looking forward to most is the test result from his own marrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He proposed he got tested, since he had never donated blood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who knows?” He says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who knows...” Rey repeats absentmindedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes she tells him that she’s scared. He’s terrified too, but he puts on a brave face and tells her it’s going to be okay. She sees right through him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s phone rings and she answers immediately, Ben has been on edge lately whenever the phone rings, but maybe this is the call they’ve been waiting for, so he jumps from his seat and goes to her, looking at her expectantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello? Oh, hi, doctor Holdo. I’m okay. How are you? Really? Okay.” There is a pause and Rey takes a deep breath. Doctor Holdo says something and Rey’s face falls, a light gasp leaves her and her eyes fix on Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s trying very hard to keep his heart from jumping out of his chest because he can’t decipher her expression nor doctor Holdo’s voice on the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey shakes her head and stutters. “Y-yes, thank you so much. See you soon.” She hangs up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well?” Ben prompts nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey blinks a few times and lightly gasps for air, seemingly trying to make herself speak. She looks at him, her mouth parted and eyes wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a match.” Rey says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first he can’t believe it. It takes a moment until the news is fully assimilated by his brain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes sparkle and her face breaks into a smile until she’s laughing with tears running down her cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben is still stunned when her hands rise to caress his face. “It was you… It has always been you…” She says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is a feeling that blooms in his chest and it makes him lightheaded as he takes her in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears finally overflow through his eyes. He lets out a half-laugh half-sob and clutches her cheeks to look at her. He can’t think of anything to say and neither can she, they can only hold each other close as they cry the wonderful tears of relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Play it for me?” Rey asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben searches for their list and presses play, setting his phone beside her on the coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/c0A7jAVDPJU?t=42">
    <em>
      <span>I know nothing stays the same</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/c0A7jAVDPJU?t=42">
    <em>
      <span>But if you're willing to play the game</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/c0A7jAVDPJU?t=42">
    <em>
      <span>It's coming around again</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <span>He bends for a quick kiss but Rey tugs insistently on his shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rey!” He laughs. “There are so many unopened boxes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck the boxes!” She growls and pulls him to her with real strength and he lands beside her on the couch on his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They moved to Chandrila to be closer to the hospital. It’s a lovely one-bedroom apartment with a view of the woods. It has a hardwood floor and a cosy kitchen, the living room looks to a spacious balcony, large enough for a garden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben didn’t let her carry anything heavy or do anything too tiring and she was grateful despite her will to help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s supporting his weight with his arms, practically on top of her, in an awkward position, while her hands cup his face and she kisses all over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” he chuckles, trying to fit into her arms that won’t let go. “I’ll stay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turns and sets his head on her lap, relaxing on the couch as she brushes his hair with long, slow strokes. He supposes the boxes can wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey’s smile fades into a peaceful expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/c0A7jAVDPJU?t=55">
    <em>
      <span>So don't mind if I fall apart</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/c0A7jAVDPJU?t=55">
    <em>
      <span>There's more room in a broken heart</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think it’s true?” She asks after a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is?” He looks up at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s more room in a broken heart?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben reflects on her question for a moment. “I don’t know, you tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so,” Rey says. “You always grow from the pain, you get stronger. And no matter how much you’ve been beaten, you still want it… Love…”</span>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/c0A7jAVDPJU?t=114">
    <em>
      <span>And I believe in love</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/c0A7jAVDPJU?t=114">
    <em>
      <span>But what else can I do</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/c0A7jAVDPJU?t=114">
    <em>
      <span>I'm so in love with you</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you realize what you’re doing, Ben?” Rey asks sweetly, still caressing his hair. “You’re going to give me a piece of your body that is going to teach my body how to work properly. You’re going to give me life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sits up again to be at eye level with her. Ben can only stare at those beautiful hazel eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have given me hope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once, when he was little, his mother told him that she named him Ben because to her that name meant hope. He always thought it was stupid because he had meant the opposite to his parents and everyone else his entire life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Rey kisses away his tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They are going to pick Finn and Poe up at the airport tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The treatment begins in two days. They will take the marrow from Ben and inject it into Rey’s body. There will be a heavy batch of chemo after that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey is terrified of that. She says that the chemo and the cancer are both trying to kill you, the only hope is that the chemo kills the cancer first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A few months later</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben! Come look!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben almost drops the baking tray of unbaked cookies and runs to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey is beaming, brushing her hand on her scalp. “Look!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He touches where her hand was and he can feel the new hair growing. He snatches her into his arms with a wooping laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He twirls her in the air, and she laughs that beautiful laugh he had fallen for all those months ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The transplant was a success. She’s in full remission.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her recovery impressed even the most optimistic of the team of doctors. The chemo took its toll and she got really sick, just like the last time, Finn told him. But she fought through it with so much fierceness and bravery that Ben couldn't admire a person more. And he was there with her, through every gruesome hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their family was there too, each one doing what they could and more, showering her with attention and love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now every little thing is a victory and each time, Ben’s heart gets lighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t wait for tonight,” she says quietly against his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Although she isn’t as cheerful as she used to be yet, her energy is coming back to her slowly. She sits on the kitchen table, decorating the cookies while he does the rest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They have all the food done by the time Finn and Poe get there. Han and Chewie are next. Then Leia arrives with Luke. His mother hugs him so lovingly, looking happy and proud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Christmas decoration is simple, Rey says she hates fake plastic stuff so they settled for a simple garland and some candles along with the red tablecloth and napkins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rey gets so many presents and she's terrified, but she can't stop laughing until they are all crying when she says she loves them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben watches Finn holding her in the living room after dessert while everyone is in the kitchen drinking port and helping with the dishes. Both are standing and Finn rocks her gently with eyes closed, brushing her head over her beanie. He’s saying something to her and she’s nodding, the tears coming through her closed eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han stands beside Ben and pats him on the shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so proud of you, son.” Han says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben shakes his head. “She’s the hero.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You both are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben smiles fondly at his father.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” Han asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben inhales deeply and lets out a breath, “I am now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A few years later</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben hears the beginning of a familiar song play.</span>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/mrZRURcb1cM">
    <em>
      <span>Now here you go again</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/mrZRURcb1cM">
    <em>
      <span>You say you want your freedom</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/mrZRURcb1cM">
    <em>
      <span>Well, who am I to keep you down</span>
    </em>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like Fleetwood Mac?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks up at her. He chuckles and topples her over to sit on his lap. Rey giggles against his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was the worst pick-up line ever,” she laughs. “I can’t believe you fell for it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben pecs a kiss on her cheek. “Well, honestly I couldn't believe that this gorgeous woman would be interested in a weirdo like me so I didn’t think too much of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hot</span>
  </em>
  <span> weirdo.” She corrects.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I’m assuming the playlist is ready?” He says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep! And so is my bag.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This vacation has been overdue. The first year was recovery. Then, catching up with her studies in mechanical engineering. After that, it was her master’s degree that kept her busy. Also, Ben’s job at his mom’s firm has been intense to say the least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben wanted to pay for the rest of Rey’s university but she refused. She said she didn’t want his money. He said she was being ridiculous. She said </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> was being ridiculous and that she was going to pay for that herself with her work. He said it made no sense that they wouldn’t use that money on her. She asked him to donate the money to charity that helped poor people and kids with cancer instead. Now, they contribute to that every month and Rey makes it so that they can help as many as they can.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s so proud of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is no sign of the cancer. None whatsoever. She’s in excellent health.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They drive a few hours south and get there at dusk. The small white cottage with a grey roof by the beach is there waiting for them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The End</span>
</p><p>
  <span>☀️🌊🎶</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>One last song for the credits!</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=129kuDCQtHs">Dancing In The Dark by Bruce Springsteen</a></p><p> </p><p>Thank you for reading! I love you all!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feedback and comments are appreciated!</p><p>You may find me on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/ceciliasheplin">@ceciliasheplin</a> or on my <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/ceciliasheplin">CuriousCat</a> if you want to say hi.<br/>☀️🌊🎶</p></blockquote></div></div>
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